Of course, it’s already starting. As close as the three of us are, Zed is spending more time on his own. He wants more peer time and less family time. As my friend Ben said, my son is “growing away.” The main focus of “growing away” is giving the child permission to make their own decisions – and allowing the child to deal with the
In an earlier post, Close the Distance, the idea was to get closer in physical proximity to avoid raised voices, tension, and misunderstandings. What about closing another kind of distance – a distance that may have developed when what the parents are doing isn’t working? Or when children get to that age where they seemingly want little to do with their parents? Prepare Before closing this
I’ve tried punishment. It doesn’t work. Well, it might work. Actually, it’s pretty darn effective at creating an immediate behavior change – maybe even more than just short-term behavior change. But at what cost? Who benefits from punishment? In the bigger picture – no one. Certainly not your child. In many circles of parenting, private corporal punishment is looked at as an ineffective form
Today was my son’s 11th birthday. It’s traditional. Dinner at a restaurant of birthday person’s choice. He’s so very grown-up in many ways. All decked out in his fancy collared shirt. Making eye contact with the waiter. Things like that. And still so young. Sticking his face close to his plate and picking up the mochi ice cream with his mouth. Lying down with
Measure How do you measure the tone of a number, how six sounds different than three? Or the way purple feels, the kind of purple when you hear the word quintuplet? Is it the same as when the butter knife levels the pillow of flour from the steel hash-marked cup on its way to making bread? Or the error inherent in weighing a puppy? There
This last fall my son wanted to see the movie The Hunger Games. I had already read the book and knew the content. I wanted him to wait. Gradually, the report came back. Weekly, he ticked off each friend that had been allowed to see the movie. I decided he could see the movie, with conditions. He would watch it with me or his
The indoor soccer bleachers are a great place for me to get my weekly fix of some very favorite parent friends. Today, my friend Kathryn told me about “Does It Matter?” – something her son learned from his 6th grade teacher. She gave an example of how her son, during a game of kick-ball, got hit in the back with the ball after he
I have often caught myself using wants and needs with my son. “Zed, I need you to take out the trash,” or “I want you to stop playing that video game.” These statements seem pretty harmless. They will often jump start Zed into doing what I ask. However, by using want or need, it sounds like I want or need something personal for myself.
Help! My child won’t listen. My child refuses to do what I ask. I have to say things over and over and still she refuses. Many parents are in the habit of repetition when they ask their child to make a behavior change. Hence, the children may perceive that their parents are “demanding” or “nag all the time.” What to do when even the
I’m not talking about counting to five, or counting on fingers, or counting cars on a road trip. I’m talking about the disciplinary action of counting down to get a child to behave. Many of my friends really embrace the idea of non-punitive parenting, or parenting with a positive discipline style. Yet, I have seen a similar scenario to the one below many times
