Of course, A comes before B in the alphabet. But what does that mean in parenting? It means the child needs to BECOME ELIGIBLE. They need to fulfill certain expectations before they have privileges. Here’s an example. Most children love sweets. They want dessert. Healthy foods often pale in comparison. My son loves dessert. When we told him, “You’re not eligible for dessert until
Of course, it’s already starting. As close as the three of us are, Zed is spending more time on his own. He wants more peer time and less family time. As my friend Ben said, my son is “growing away.” The main focus of “growing away” is giving the child permission to make their own decisions – and allowing the child to deal with the
In an earlier post, Close the Distance, the idea was to get closer in physical proximity to avoid raised voices, tension, and misunderstandings. What about closing another kind of distance – a distance that may have developed when what the parents are doing isn’t working? Or when children get to that age where they seemingly want little to do with their parents? Prepare Before closing this
I’ve tried punishment. It doesn’t work. Well, it might work. Actually, it’s pretty darn effective at creating an immediate behavior change – maybe even more than just short-term behavior change. But at what cost? Who benefits from punishment? In the bigger picture – no one. Certainly not your child. In many circles of parenting, private corporal punishment is looked at as an ineffective form
The indoor soccer bleachers are a great place for me to get my weekly fix of some very favorite parent friends. Today, my friend Kathryn told me about “Does It Matter?” – something her son learned from his 6th grade teacher. She gave an example of how her son, during a game of kick-ball, got hit in the back with the ball after he
I have often caught myself using wants and needs with my son. “Zed, I need you to take out the trash,” or “I want you to stop playing that video game.” These statements seem pretty harmless. They will often jump start Zed into doing what I ask. However, by using want or need, it sounds like I want or need something personal for myself.
I’m not talking about counting to five, or counting on fingers, or counting cars on a road trip. I’m talking about the disciplinary action of counting down to get a child to behave. Many of my friends really embrace the idea of non-punitive parenting, or parenting with a positive discipline style. Yet, I have seen a similar scenario to the one below many times
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Aretha knew what she was singing about. She wasn’t asking for love. She wanted respect. I love my kid to pieces. But when Zed is not listening to my voice and chasing the dog with a paint brush in his hand and the model-airplane paint (permanent, of course) is now on my newly-redecorated kitchen cabinets, I will admit to not feeling so loving. Fortunately,
I was asked about time-outs today by a mom in my music class. Then I came home to this post on The Stir called “Time-Outs for Toddlers: Are You Doing It Wrong?” So, it’s a perfect topic for today. The best part about the time-out concept is that it Stops The Child’s World. It works as a pattern interrupt, can calm emotions, and helps
My son – all 6 lbs of him at birth – didn’t look like he’d ever have a tantrum. And we were pretty lucky. They were few. But those were enough to send me scrambling for ways to get back in my groove. What can cause a tantrum? Not Being Understood Not Getting What they Want Tired, Hungry, Uncomfortable Not really knowing Who is
